Post by ibugly on Feb 14, 2010 18:40:25 GMT -6
For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day when you just need
to take it out on someone!!!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I
found the number and dialed it .
A man answered nicely, saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Heflin, and could I please speak to
Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with
Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote
the word "jerk," and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and the I'd yell, "You're a jerk!" It
would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
"Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company
and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?"
He said, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how,
if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something
about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.]
This old lady at the mall was really taking her time pulling out of her
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car began to move and she started to very slowly back out. I backed up a
little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls
into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I
was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this
guy's a jerk, there sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed that he
had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the
number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a
jerk!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on
speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my
desk, and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings
someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hanse."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to
call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on
them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jerk!", but I didn't hang up.
The jerk said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked
out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jerk!" And I hung
up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.
34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious!
If you want to watch two Jerkes kicking the crap out of each other in
front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the
evening news.
to take it out on someone!!!
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I
found the number and dialed it .
A man answered nicely, saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Patrick Heflin, and could I please speak to
Robin Carter?"
Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and
called her. She had transposed the last two digits. After I hung up with
Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
decided to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I
yelled "You're a jerk!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote
the word "jerk," and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up. He'd answer, and the I'd yell, "You're a jerk!" It
would always cheer me up.
Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a
real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jerk. Then
one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
"Hello."
I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company
and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller ID
program?"
He said, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jerk!"
The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how,
if there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something
about it. Just dial 823-4863. [Keep reading, it gets better.]
This old lady at the mall was really taking her time pulling out of her
parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her
car began to move and she started to very slowly back out. I backed up a
little more to give her plenty of room to pull out.
Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All of a sudden this black
Camaro comes flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls
into her space.
I started honking my horn and yelling, "You can't just do that, Buddy. I
was here first!"
The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked
toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, this
guy's a jerk, there sure a lot of jerks in this world. I noticed that he
had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the
number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just
gotten off the phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're a
jerk!" (It's really easy to call him now since I have his number on
speed dial.)
I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my
desk, and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a couple rings
someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."
I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
I said, "What's your name?"
"My name is Don Hanse."
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home in the evenings."
"Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes."
"Don, you're a jerk!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer.
For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jerks to
call. Then after several months of calling the jerks and hanging up on
them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem
some serious thought and came up with a solution.
First, I had my phone dial Jerk #1.
A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jerk!", but I didn't hang up.
The jerk said, "Are you still there?"
I said, "Yeah."
He said, "Stop calling me."
I said, "No."
He said, "What's your name, pal?"
I said, "Don Hansen."
He said "Where do you live?"
"1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro's parked
out front."
"I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
"Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jerk!" and I hung up.
Then I called Jerk #2. He answered, "Hello."
I said, "Hello, Jerk!"
He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?"
"I'll kick your butt."
"Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, Jerk!" And I hung
up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon
as he got home.
Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W.
34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th
Street to watch the whole thing. Glorious!
If you want to watch two Jerkes kicking the crap out of each other in
front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter, I taped it off the
evening news.